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  • Arthur Bacon

Glen Beck’s: The Year 2039 in Review

Updated: Mar 22, 2021

(3 AM reading material for Elizabeth Warren at senate climate-change all-nighter)

2039 was an excellent year for America as the “Russian Conflict” finally came to a close with the death of Vladimir Putin at age 86.

The Russian War, which lasted from 2014 to 2038, necessitated aggressive, new natural resource development here in North America because we had to double production to supply our allies in Europe with energy, all the while growing our own military-industrial economy to keep pace with Moscow. The Israeli-Iran War of 2015, meant that we had to produce still more, dig even deeper, with the taps from OPEC turned off. From Daytona Beach to Maine and from San Diego to Seattle off-shore has boomed. Energy production remains America’s number one priority.

However, the long Cold War Lite with Russia resulted in the Sino-American Free Trade Agreement (SAFTA) in 2036 guaranteeing American auto makers of a minimum 100 million vehicles made right here in America to be shipped to our ally in China. 100 million AMERICAN cars guzzling ten gallons of gas every day. Do the math! Remember back in the teens when they had us by the soft ones? Well, thanks to a robust Wall Street, BIG OFFSHORE, THE NORTH SLOPE and republican fiscal determinism guess who has whom by the cojones today!

Despite the St Lawrence Seaway disaster of 2027 when Al Queda succeeded in blowing up the Keystone transfer station in Buffalo stopping all commerce from Chicago to Albany for almost two years, and the giant spill in Louisiana in 2033 closing off the lower Mississippi for another three years, Canadian oil has flowed down the pipe to the east and south in sufficient quantities to make a mockery of the energy Cassandras back in the Twentieth Century. We now have enough energy for a hundred years and a billion more cars. Public transportation is a footnote of liberal/socialist history. Add to the Canadian crude our newfound riches in the Rocky Mountain west and the compact car is now a novelty found only in the Smithsonian museum. British Petroleum and Exxon/Mobile are producing as much gas in Colorado as the Arabian Peninsula…although skiers at Vail and Aspen now have to slalom under and around the gigantic fracking installations which dot the landscape as far as the eye can see from Denver to Grand Junction.

Al Queda remains our biggest threat now that Russia has elected a new leader without ties to the old KGB. Israel’s take over of the West Bank and Gaza, de-placing all 5 million Palestinians, definitely caused an up-tick of Queda matriculation notwithstanding significantly lower CIA estimates.

Thanks to the two Columbia River aqueducts running southeast to Grand Junction and south to Sacramento, the American West does not need to think about water conservation for another hundred years while the G.W. Bush Grand Canyon Dam provides unlimited water to Arizona and southern California. Without a drop of water from the Colorado, the Pecos or the Rio Grande Rivers reaching Mexico the Sonoran Desert now stretches south almost to Mexico City, which has had the salutary effect of stemming the flow of illegal immigration across a thousand miles of barren sage and sand.

The “Gun in Every Hand” legislation passed under the Cruz administration of the Twenties, gave the National Rifle Association Militia responsibility for manning the Israeli-built apartheid wall along the Rio Grande relieving our own military to help the Israelis in their struggle against the Arab League while giving pause to potential trespassers with the Stand Your Ground order in effect between Tijuana and Brownsville. Last year alone 3,345 aliens and terrorists were killed trying to get into the United States by the NRA volunteer army. Unfortunately, relations with Mexico continue to deteriorate and the Zimmerslav email, intercepted by NSA, revealing the Russian plot to establish Ukranian settlements along the Rio Grande, has soured relations further. Senator Marco Rubio now in his sixth term in Washington demands that we turn Moscow into a heap of radioactive rubbish unless they apologize for this egregious threat to the Monroe Doctrine.

Thanks to the National Parks Defense Bill and the Energy Incentive Bill (giving total free access to all national and state park lands to energy production companies) in the Cruz Administration, oil, gas, and minerals are fueling America’s booming economy like never before. At last our public lands now serve all of America as Exxon/Mobile, Texaco, BP and Koch Petroleum continue to provide America’s industry with super-power abundance. National Parks Visitor centers still remain open at selective places like Yosemite, Yellowstone and Zion, giving people the pleasure of driving there with “virtual reality” nature tour booths which can accommodate one thousand visitors an hour 24/7 year around to experience wilderness through Disney Hyper-reality 3-D filmography. Gone are the days of hiking up interminable switchbacks sun beating down being eaten alive by mosquitoes. With Samsung’s XD-3-D goggles and Bose/Lucas headphones one sits in the Hermann Miller chair and experiences all the pleasures God intended when He created this earth four thousand years ago.

The Giulianni dikes have saved Wall Street and lower Manhattan while Boston and Providence still suffer God’s wrath for their embrace of alcohol, sex and pleasure as the flooding continues. Provincetown is deep under water and we all know why. Gay marriage, abortion, literature, science and philosophical thinking have accounted for too much flooding and tornadoes to ever allow that sort of blasphemy to happen again in America. Although Miami and Key West are under water at least Everglades Bay, bigger than Chesapeake, is no longer home to a trillion mosquitoes.

Sadly, Venice is no longer one of the collegial “year abroad” destinations except as a novelty to kayak around the old deserted buildings and squares. Despite trillions of dollars spent in more dikes and storm walls Holland never recovered from the Great Flood of 2035. God was not happy with Amsterdam’s red lights and opium dens. But God has His ways and since half of sub-Saharan Africa had died of AIDS by 2030, the Dutch have returned to Johannesburg with the new apartheid laws firmly in place.

The CBP (Constitutional-Bible Party) (once known as the Republican Party) continues to instruct Americans in the inscrutable ways of The Lord and that we cannot forever lose sleep if countless islands in the Philippines, Indonesia, Sumatra, Southeast Asia and elsewhere are now underwater. This has been turned to America’s advantage by Koch Industries, in collaboration with Mersk navigation, with the construction of a hundred giant factory ships capable of housing 10,000 people each and producing as many computers, cars, coats, phones and underwear as Foxconn, China was producing at its height in 2020.

While threats to the Anglo-Saxon culture here in America remain strong, the Keep America White Immigration Reform Bill of 2029, has helped cut crime, terrorism and pollution here at home by restricting migration to America from EU member states, Australia and New Zealand only. If people do not believe in our manly, Caucasian Christian God, if they do not speak English and if they don’t have a million dollars in their portfolio they are best served by remaining at home.

Creationist Education in every American school, the signature legislation of the Santorum administration of the late teens, freed up billions of dollars heretofore wasted on scientific research and technology. Science books, telescopes, laboratory equipment, Bunsen burners, scales and centrifuges are now relics in the Smithsonian. Stupid subjects like geology, geography and biology are now replaced by Genesis, Ecclesiastes and the Psalms. Today’s evangelschools need nothing but Bibles for the proper education of our young people. The Lord God in heaven wrote the Good Book so that we would never have to question anything ever again. The Good Book tells us about Noah because God wants us to know that we are not alone; that He loves us and is just testing us and punishing those who have sinned against his wishes. Noah survived a flood and we will survive too.

America has never been healthier. This year signals the end of all entitlements as they were known for decades. The last person to receive so-called medical treatment under the aegis of socialist government medi-care died on August 21 of this year. From now on all Americans are protected by the PRP (Pat Robertson Program for a Healthy America). With PRP you can connect to one of the two million lay pastors waiting to help you with assistance twenty-four hours a day at ROBERTSONHEALTHCARE.GOV. God is omnipotent and great and He loves America and He will not turn His back on you if only you welcome Jesus into your heart. Health care begins and ends with the Lord Jesus, amen.

And thank God for Alaska! With the glaciers disappearing faster than one can say Jehova, whole inland valleys have opened up to agriculture and mining. The Alaskan Industrial Homestead Act of 2034 providing 1,600 acres of land free to any individual with assets of more than one million dollars has transformed the last frontier into a booming agricultural/manufacturing center. Anchorage is the new Chicago with high-speed rail service running between the new boom cities of Palinville and Bushligge on the balmy North Slope down through Fairbanks Kochville, Reagan, McCain and on down to Seattle. Methane capture from permafrost melt provides as much energy as a million of Al Gore’s windmills. Once the refrigerator of Amerika, Alaska is the new Florida. Life is good in America.

Mike Huckabee’s Genesis Act of 2026, forbidding the teaching of history has virtually silenced the Casandras and all that nonsense about “climate change” back in the first decade of the 21st Century. God’s warming has been good to America; Nome is the new Miami; while Fairbanks and Cheneyville the new Detroits. The new Toyota plant in Cheneyville alone turns out one million cars a year. God loves industry. God loves America!

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